05 July 2016

White Chinese / Mandarin Lobotomy / Bleached Behavior: Chinks, Rejecting white language power, and New English Shit (Part 3)

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To this day, one of the things I hate most about myself is that I allowed some white whore[1] to give me a white name so it would be easier for white people to conceptualize me as a lesser version of them. I’d have a first name of the same east-west style as them, but the real name, the real legacy, that banner shit, still be a chink. Any other romanized language is greeted with warm hands by a white. Any sort of European name is accepted. When a chink comes in with a name with a shit ton of vowels, dipthongs, fancy tongue technique, ain’t no whites gonna respect that.

You named something like martin, some shit like nick, man that’s a white name. You named something like xiujing, whites laugh you into a pile of shit. When you change that name to something like john, they see you. They got eyes. You got eyes. You got a gut. They feel you. They smell the cum on your breath. They smell the cock on your mouth right from your papers. No one gonna respect you like that. Nobody gonna respect a thing passing as an individual, especially when chinks are still spotting a white 50, cupping his balls, giving his wife a pedicure, and teaching his kids math, being that honk’s accountant, never on his board.

To this day, I hate myself because it took so long to realize that young wei was too much of a pussy to fight back. Moms, before the first day of school, said not to let them white fucks to fuck with you. They fight you, you smack their eyes out. No way they see you as a chink if they can’t see you. You speak better English than them anyways. You cannot let them speak better, write better, read better than you. They gonna take your culture away from you by mocking your language, by mocking your writing. So you take their language. You master it. You fuck them up their pale little wide ass eyes with it.

I guess at a young age, it would’ve been impossible for me to understand that they’ve been practicing more and more indirect, more toxic ways of fucking with a chink. If they aren’t hitting you, can’t really hit them back. They set you out as their friend. They tell you you isn’t like them other chinks. You speak English proper. You dress like a whiteboi. You know all the same culture that a white boi know. But you still isn’t European. They’ll never accept you when you start bringing them tofu snacks to school. They can steal your fucking tofu. They can rape the culture out of your food. They can take your culture and tell you they do it better. And you nod. You wag your head. Because your subservient. Because you’ve been lulled to think they your friends. You see them other chinks who only coolin with other chinks and you think damn these chinks not cool enough to cool with the whites. You speaking their language now. You speaking like you’re white. You’ve mastered their language. You know it better than them. You just imbibing their poison. You speaking like them now. You speak their speak you poison with their poison. Because you can’t let yourself become their other. You can’t let yourself become different from them. You can’t fight that euro Dijon mustard gas. This ain’t your ching chong mustard seed oil.

Now I know.

If ever I have a child, no way he gonna kowtow to their rules.[2] Rules and conduct don’t work if they’re unilateral. Rules and conduct don’t work if the only thing the rules allow is for one side to continue winning. Why should a chink keep playing by those rules? That’s tantamount to killing yourself. This is how you kill yourself in America—when you play by the rules, the ones not made or meant for you, as an outsider the ones it’s truly meant to poison, as poison of which packaged like candy.

But when a chink talks to people, those first couple bites are sweet. Then you get to know people and you taste the cheap candy coating that’s there to trick you. That’s what a chink feel when he talks to people who polite and well-mannered and generally agreeable. Whenever a white person is nice to a chink, initially at least, a chink always sus. You give em five more minutes with you and they turn. Can’t ever really escape.[3]

So a chink became and probably, for the majority of the time, still is the exact kind of pussy ass, subservient, servile chink he hates. A chink has a hard time being brash and abrasive in person to anyone. A chink was always unconsciously, consciously, fully intentionally spotting whites politeness points. This is probably why I don’t feel any need to really be all that polite or interested in people these days.

Slowed down speech, smiles and laughs, and sudden fear of speech are the three hallmarks of the way I interact with white strangers.[4] In a way, a chink just created his own bamboo ceiling since he couldn’t muster up the Mongolian balls of steel. This is why politeness and etiquette smother downwards. If a chink finna respect and look up to decorum, the decorum clamps down on him and a chink just suffocates on self-hatred. Only thing winning is the white thing atop making the arbitrary rules of decorum. Personally, a chink always felt decorum and politeness are some stuffy ass shit, but decorum pollutes young white kids and especially colored girls who look on colored boys and think they’re dirty because, well, if the table cloth should be white, then the skin better be clean too. When little chink girls becoming white parrots and playing tea and all that bullshit, a young chink boi thinking, damn, a chink better be white to get along with these people.

Worst off, a chink never see any chink who made themselves a distinctively chink world star. Nah, all the real-well off chinks out there were quiet little FOBs driving mercs living in white neighborhoods, OJ style. Between this kind of chink, a chink’s parents who driving a japanese car living in a slightly mixed neighborhood, and a chink speaking broken chingrish, a young chink inevitably sees the whitewashed chink as the best of chinks. No positive reinforcement in being Chinese. When a chink goes into the chinkese schools on the weekend and all these little girls fucking smacking a chink boi for not being ‘polite’ or whatever, damn, a chink thinks there’s no place for chinks here. You only a chink on the outside, but inside, you can change and become a nice whiteboi.

This finally boils down to how people teach chinks about themselves. At chinkese school, the CCP steps in and hurls streamlined mandarin at every squinty eyed little kid out there regardless of what color their skin is, what accent they speak with at home, the village they’re from. At white school, a chink taught to succeed at math because that’s the kind of shit that’s gonna make him a good worker—on languages, they’re not taught proper expression; they’re taught how to be as polite as possible, how to be civil and communicate as people deem right. Of course at engrish school, a chink learning to fit inside the mold, so a chink’s open and willing to listen and parrot. What happens is that at chinkese school, a chink learns to a chink hating chinks, while at engrish school, a chink starts hating whites.

How a chink supposed to deal with this then? A chink gotta find a new lane of language. For me, it was rap music. A chink don’t wanna speak that broken chingrish, don’t want speak proper English, so a chink speaks New English. That New English shit isn’t about you and your grammar and your comfort. New English shit is about fucking with your language. New English shit is about stretching out the balls of your language till they burst and on comes a new wave of fertility. New English shit is about busting the ways you think YOU supposed to communicate, the ways you think WE supposed to communicate. You know you understand New English shit. Shit, you’ve been writing it since John Milton. You’ve been writing it since Shakespeare. You been writing that shit since Wordsworth. You been writing that shit since Eliot. Since Pound. Since Ashbury. Since RAKIM.[5]  You just call this vernacular. You just call this different dialects. You call it ‘code-switching.’ Well, a chink gonna tell you what this New English Shit is about at the root.

It isn’t about trying to speak like the people. It isn’t about trying to capture the beauty. It isn’t about trying to communicate with you effectively. It’s about provoking a visceral reaction from your duck fat or vegan fuck fed stomach. It’s about making you feel queasy because you can speak the normal language of your people because you’re allowed to speak the language you grew up with. Some of us are separated from our cultures. Chinks separate themselves from their own culture. This what give YOU entitlement. This what makes chinks do the segregating, the oppressing, the raping, for you on us. So, why a chink gotta reject whites? You no longer a chink. You let them control and you can’t even hold them accountable. You not thinking two steps ahead on how to avoid conflict. You straight up thinking two steps ahead for them because you already one of them but you still a chink. This is why a chink needs to reclaim his culture, his name. This is why a chink need to reject white.

[1] Maybe it’s a woman. Maybe it’s lady liberty. Maybe it’s a pun on the Chinese name for lady liberty 自由女神. Maybe a chink is a mysoginist. Amy Tan sure thinks so. Maybe I’m angry that I was lulled into the trap of someone promising something and giving something else. Maybe I’m mad that I contracted mental VD from this exchange. Maybe I was the one who had their orality taken advantage of. Maybe someone else was shoving something down my oral cavity without my full consent.
[2] Only person that kid gonna kowtow to is me. Lol. And the parents. (obvs)
[3] Sure this sounds paranoid as fuck, but this the truth. This is probably why I never truly feel that connected to teachers or coworkers or bosses and why most of my close friends are not blanco.
[4] When a chink sees a white person on top of him, a chink betrays himself. With people who a chink don’t feel any inferiority to, a chink doesn’t give them shit and doesn’t acknowledge him. This is probably one of the bigger hypocrisies a chink works with. Can’t be a brash independent chink if he cowers to people.
[5] since desiigner